The Secret Motivations of Banana Migrations

A strange thing happened the other day – I made a watch appear out of thin air.

One minute, there was no watch. The next, there was a watch.

I am Harry Potter. Well, a Weasley. One of the lesser ones.

It’s a wondrous world you stumble into as a parent. And when I say stumble, I do mean stumble. In the most back-achy-half-awake-laundry-basket-carrying-trip-over-a-rubber-giraffe sense of the word.

Everything made sense before kids, The world before kids was a world of logic, and scientific method and technology that had no fear of yogurt or slobbery investigation. Like a dad with a diaper  bag, so Effect did dutifully follow Cause. Fluids traveled in only one direction, and I could do math in my head.

The world after kids is a disjointed anecdote Hunter S. Thompson wrote in crayon on somebody’s shirt after he ran out of absinthe.

Objects wink in and out of existence. Bananas, answering to urges comprehensible only to tropical fruit, do get up and leave the plate to seek their destinies in the bathtub, the office, or my shoe.

The accordion of time itself is freed from its clasps; months go by in a week and an hour can take a year to pass. It expands and collapses as we shuffle our feet to the hellish polka of sleep deprivation.

You could, as a hater, explain these things away. You could say that a missing watch could be discovered in an odd pocket by a hand left to its own devices. And while the overtaxed frontal lobes were thinking of the grocery list, or the coming workday or trying to remember how old you are, said hand could, without instruction from higher faculties, just put the watch on since that’s something hands do with regularity. Then the sleepy mind thinks about the time again and hey presto, there’s a watch!

You could explain it all away thusly. You could also suck it.

Keep your rational explanations. Me, I’m sticking with magic. In my magical world, watches appear, stuffed bears have a preference of tea flavor, and Dracula owes me five dollars. It’s not much and it won’t last, but I’ll take what I can get.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “The Secret Motivations of Banana Migrations

  1. Wow, having kids can really change your life huh.

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