Monthly Archives: April 2012

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First of all. Obrigado.

Como va vocer, Portugal? Bom dia, Brasil!

And Ireland, you randy old goat, you, Slainte!

Merhaba, Lebanon!

And Australia…what do you guys say? Konnichiwa? Top of the Beer to Ya?

Anyway, it’s official, this nerd is world-wide. Sweeping the globe like swine flu or a cat-based meme. I now officially have like 6 non-American readers, and one Canadian one. I may even have a couple in Iowa, but wordpress is vague on that point. And anyway, I’m not convinced Iowa has statewide electricity yet.

So thanks everybody for reading! I haven’t felt so valued since I brought home an 8-pack of toilet paper.

Whenever I post something I also put links to it on the Facebook, and have been getting great comments and likes and all those things the kids do. But I realized, unless you’re (un)fortunate enough to have used “friend” as a verb on me, you probably don’t realize how extremely well thought-of I am.

And trust me, I am.

So I thought I’d post some of the more luminary comments from previous bloggatries,

“If only I’d read this blog earlier, so much could have been done.”

-Johnny Polizzi (father of Nicole “Snookie” Polizzi)

“Wowie zowie! I wish I could balance humor and heartfelt wisdom like that! Zing-a-ling!”

– Jerry Seinfeld

“A triumph of joie-de vivre and gentle wit”

– Dogg the Bounty Hunter

“I may be a fictional character, but this blog makes me want to be a better role model for young people”

– Marlo Stanfield of The Wire

There you have it, folks. But don’t worry, I won’t let all these literary accolades go to my head. My kid still won’t let me close the door when I use the bathroom, so that keeps me grounded.

Thanks again everybody for reading, wherever you may be. And feel free to comment or ‘like’ or tweet or bloogle or updrive the RAM-ware  or whatever, it’s always awesome to hear from you.


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Two There Are, a Master and an Apprentice

I’ve written before about all the scintillating curriculum I have prepared for the little dude when he comes of age. I’ve started making my “Know your Sith Lords” flashcards (Bane is insane, and Tenebrous is no friend of us), I’m close to deciding whether to start him on nunchucks or the blowgun for a first weapon, and my compendium of video game cheat codes has been awaiting a worthy successor for many moons.

But one thing I’ve noticed this past year and a half, is that as much as the dude’s learning – and he’s taking in info faster than Hannibal Lecter with a cybernetic implant – very little, if any of it is coming from formal instruction from Sensei Papa.

No, if anything, it’s been a 19 month intensive course for me. I’m like Caine in Kung Fu, except instead of snatching pebbles from my master’s hand, I’m snatching breakable objects before they’re dropped/eaten/smeared with yogurt

So as a sort of thesis presentation, I thought I’d share some of the lessons I’ve learned thus far:

– Urine is the least of your problems.

– The necessity of sleep for adequate brain function has been wildly exacerbated…execrated…what’s that word?

– Cleaning, once to be avoided, is now a thing to be dreamt of lustily.

– I’m old.

– Balloons are awesome.

– Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, everybody likes orange galoshes with monkeys on them.

– You can do more things one handed than you ever thought possible.

-You are both vastly more important and vastly more irrelevant than you thought you were.

– Nap early. Nap often.

– Decades ago, somebody did all this same stuff for you (but probably didn’t blog about it).

– Your capacity for love and delight is utterly, completely beyond measure.


Consider me schooled.

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